What, no Pete Davidson? New Google Bard AI chatbot has a lot to learn about Staten Island (opinion)

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STATEN ISLAND, N.Y. - So we at the Advance took the new Google Bard artificial intelligence chatbot out for a spin the other day, asking it a couple of very specific Staten Island questions.

Google is clearly very proud of Bard, which is their answer to the ChatGPT artificial intelligence chatbot that was unveiled by OpenAI last November.

But Bard, whose name at least makes more sense than "ChatGPT" and is easier to remember, has a lot to learn about Staten Island.

Here's one question we asked that we thought would be a layup for Bard: "Who are the most famous Staten Islanders?"

There are truly so many to choose from, right?

But here's the list of folks that Bard came up with: Photographer Alice Austen; Kiss bassist Gene Simmons; Academy Award winner Paul Newman; actors Michael Imperioli and Vincent Pastore of "The Sopranos," and film and TV actor Yancey Arias.

All due respect, but no Pete Davidson? No "Impractical Jokers"? No Big Ang? Not even a Colin Jost? C'mon, Bard.

And while Simmons graduated from the old Richmond College (later the College of Staten Island), he didn't live on the Island. Neither did Imperioli. And we think that Bard might be confused on Pastore, whose cousin, Garry Pastore, also an actor, was born here.

Another question we asked Bard: "What are the best things about Staten Island?"

Right off the bat, the bot was way off-base, replying that Staten Island is "the most populous borough of New York City."

Even off-Islanders know that with a population of around half a million, Staten Island is the least populous of the five boroughs.

Bard also mentioned how Staten Island is one of the most affordable boroughs in the city, "making it a great option for families and young professionals."

I dunno. While we may be more affordable than Manhattan and Brooklyn, can you truly call a place "affordable" when the median home-sale price is $615,000, as calculated by Realtor.com?

The Advance has actually done a series of stories about how un-affordable Staten Island is, including the fact that a two-bedroom rental goes for more than $2,000 here. That's nobody's idea of affordable, especially if you're a young person just starting out in life.

Here's another laugher that Bard included when talking about why Staten Island is so great: "Easy access to Manhattan."

The bot said, "Staten Island is connected to Manhattan via the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge, making it easy to commute to work or school."

Actually, Bard, the bridge connects us to Brooklyn. And you spelled "Verrazzano" wrong.

And never mind how one of the biggest drawbacks to living on Staten Island is the truly tortuous journey to Manhattan, one of the worst commutes in the entire country.

Driving to Manhattan is a nightmare. Taking the express bus will take you all day. The Staten Island Ferry is getting more unreliable by the week. And, oh, we're not connected to the city subway system.

So it's not exactly "easy" for us to get to work or school in Manhattan.

Bard got it more correct when we asked, "What are some of the worst things about Staten Island?"

It was like Bard started speaking out of the other side of its mouth on this one, listing limited public transportation and the high cost of living among the drawbacks.

Also listed was the lack of diversity here and the lack of jobs, both very true.

One quibble: According to Bard, the crime rate on Staten Island is higher than the average for the city. While things aren't perfect here and you can twist numbers to say whatever you want them to, Staten Island doesn't have the same problems with crime as the other boroughs. We feel safe here.

Better brush up on your forgotten borough knowledge, Bard.

MORE STATEN ISLAND STORIES FROM TOM WROBLESKI

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