Late Night Skewers Trump's Review of Jimmy Kimmel's Oscar Hosting

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Old News

Donald Trump had the day off from his criminal trial on Wednesday. He spent part of it criticizing Jimmy Kimmel's hosting of the Oscars several weeks ago, though he apparently conflated him with Al Pacino, who announced a major award there.

Trump wrote, in part: "Stupid Jimmy Kimmel, who still hasn't recovered from his horrendous performance and big ratings drop as Host of The Academy Awards, especially when he showed he suffered from TDS, commonly known as TRUMP DERANGEMENT SYNDROME, to the entire World by reading on air my TRUTH about how bad a job he was doing that night, right before he stumbled through announcing the biggest award of all, 'Picture of the Year.'"

"This was five weeks ago," Kimmel said of the Oscars. "My parents don't even care anymore!"

"Today, he had a day off, and how did he spend that? Brunch with Melania? No. Maybe a catch with Barron in the yard? No, no. Ranta Claus got up bright and early to post 165 venomous words about yours truly!" — JIMMY KIMMEL

"That's right — in the middle of a presidential campaign and countless federal indictments, he's obsessed with the Academy Awards from five weeks ago. I look forward to his new campaign slogan: 'Trump 2024: They Gave It to 'Green Book'?" — STEPHEN COLBERT

"I did not present the award for Best Picture. I am not Al Pacino. Maybe you dreamed this during one of your courtroom siestas?" — JIMMY KIMMEL

"He's Al Pacino, I'm me. You'd think he would know that because I'm pretty sure 'Say hello to my little friend' is what he said to Stormy Daniels that got him in all this trouble." — JIMMY KIMMEL

"Also, you keep my friend Jimmy Kimmel's name out of your weird little wet mouth, OK? Jimmy Kimmel is my podcast brother from Strike Force 5, and I have vowed — I have vowed to defend him until my death — or until the next ad for Mint Mobile." — STEPHEN COLBERT

The Punchiest Punchlines (Fascinating and Mysterious Edition)

"Yesterday was a surprisingly productive court session because they picked seven jurors. I was not one of them. And while their identities will be kept secret, we've learned a little about who it is, like Juror No. 4, who said of the ex-president, 'I find him fascinating and mysterious. [imitating juror] Like when he says he wants to shoot protesters and jail his opponents, what does he mean? I can fix him.'" — STEPHEN COLBERT

"'Fascinating and mysterious'? He's not a Chanel fragrance." — DULCÉ SLOAN, guest host of "The Daily Show"

"And this dude is the least mysterious person in life. He tells us everything he's thinking. I know the names of all the people he's had sex with, I've heard the details of what his penis looks like. Like the only mysterious thing about him is what animal they made his wig out of." — DULCÉ SLOAN

"There's also Juror No. 2, who seemed surprised to find herself in this situation, telling the court: 'I didn't even know I was walking into this.' OK, but at some point, there must've been clues: 'Uh, honey, for some reason, this Soul Cycle has a bailiff.'" — STEPHEN COLBERT

The Bits Worth Watching

Dulcé Sloan drank her way through a Black-owned winery tour for Wednesday's "Daily Show."

What We're Excited About on Thursday Night

"The Sympathizer" star Sandra Oh will appear on Thursday's "Late Show."

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"The Wiz," the hit Black-led musical adaptation of "The Wizard of Oz," is back on Broadway 50 years after its debut.