'Saturday Night Live' Cold Open Takes Aim At Columbia University For Ineffective Handling Of Protests Amid Sky High Tuition Costs

Rather than tackle the Gaza issue itself, SNL instead went with the POV of parents, featuring a spoof of a NY1 talk show roundtable of parents concerned about their children taking part in the demonstrations.

While two of the parents earnestly expressed worry over their kids but acknowledged their right to express themselves, Kenan Thompson played a Alphonso Roberts, a parent with a daughter at Columbia University, and a father who will have none of the disruption.

His daughter, he said, "better have her butt in class. Let me find out if she is in one of those damn tents instead of the dorm room I pay for."

He added, "I am all in favor of you all's kids protesting. My kids know better."

He then groused about the tuition cost — $68,000 a year. "I'm out here busting my hump to pay all that tuition… I do it all. Uber all day. Uber Eats all night. Cut grass on the weekends. … I bounty hunt whenever possible. All of that just so she can say she got a degree in African American studies. It's like, little girl, you've been Black your whole life. You know what it is."

Some universities have canceled in-person classes and graduation ceremonies because of the protests, as if they were returning to Covid-era lockdowns.

Later in the sketch, Thompson's character learns that his daughter may not get a graduation ceremony, he will have none of that, either.

"Believe me when I tell you that at the end of this month that I am putting on my church clothes, three puffs of cool water cologne, smell good in the mud, and then, bam! I am hopping in my 98 Ford Explorer, blasting some Anita Baker, and you better believe I am going to be in there hootin' and hollerin' after they explicitly told us to wait til the end."

He added, "You can take that to the bank. This girl started her college during Covid," he said. "Had me out here paying $68,000 for tuition, and she is at my house taking classes on Zoom, learning about the applied history of the BET Awards. If she don't walk — Columbia is going to be on the news for something else!"

Watch cold open in the video above.